“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from you; it is the gift of God” Ep 2:8
“And he said, “For this reason I have told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by my Father” John 6:65
Faith is a gift. You can’t just discover it. God told us a savior is coming in the Old Testament and Jews cried out for him, but no one went to Heaven and ripped Jesus from His throne. No one persuaded God or tricked Him into Him gifting Jesus to us.
God offers each and every one of us salvation. Grace is gifted to us, we aren’t in charge of that gift, but we can willingly decline it.
God so desperately loves us that He’s willing to do more than lots to save us (think of the crucifixion…). If we die and our record is one of sin so grave it demands justice (think murder, or much less…idk) than justice demands punishment. If WE reject God, He won’t save us.
The gospel speaks of Hell – read Matthew 22 and the parable of the wedding feast, where the Father throws out those not worthy or ready and there is wailing and gnashing of teeth.
I don’t speak of Hell to scare you, only to remind you that God desperately doesn’t want you there. He wants you with Him in Heaven; this is why He sent us His only Son. The Father wants you in Heaven so much, that nothing really matters more. He will call you and offer you salvation. If you don’t hear the gentle call, the call gets louder and louder. That loudness can be painful. I know an electrician that was shocked, literally, and lived. He returned to Church when he was better. God had to send an electrical current of pain to that man just to get his attention and return to the Church. That shock was good and just what he needed, pain and all.
St Thomas More, a man killed by King Henry the VIII, stated: “Every tribulation which ever comes our way either is sent to be medicinal, if we will take it as such, or may become medicinal, if we will make it such, or is better than medicinal, unless we forsake it.”
Wouldn’t you prefer a shock to the heart than an eternity in Hell?
Here’s my point. If you don’t go to Church, go. If you want to start small, I’m ok with it, but any good priest will probably tell you to go all the time and skipping is a sin. Can you go once a month? Can you go every other week? If you skip, can you go next week? Can you attend during Advent and Lent? Start small if you have to, but try and attend Mass and be open to hearing His voice.
Regardless if you go to Church or not but particularly if you can’t bring yourself to go, answer me this one small request. Ask God for more faith, it is a gift to be granted and a privilege to receive it. Find a prayer for more faith, or just ineloquently ask – “Dear God, please grant me more faith, whatever the cost, so I can be near you.”